


You know, sexually

by Prim_the_Amazing



Category: Campaign (Podcast)
Genre: BHIKKE, Hook-Up, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, idk if i should tag this as zeblue and snubaik, sneak and zero deal with pining by having sex with strangers: the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 16:59:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13462569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prim_the_Amazing/pseuds/Prim_the_Amazing
Summary: Zero’s in bed withtheSneak, of Sneak and Tubaik, and he’s fit and attractive and doesn’t mind that Zero keeps the helmet and most of his clothes on, and he’s got awickedsmile and way with his hands.It’s so annoying how he can’t stop imagining someone whoisn’tparticularly fit, or even-- technically objectively speaking--all that attractive, and would probably be a whiny bitch about not getting to see Zero’s face, and would probably have no idea what to do if put in the same situation. It’s so unfair how shit Zero’s taste in men is.





	You know, sexually

**Author's Note:**

> For the kinkmeme prompt: I was relistening to episode 6 of evil campaign and when Zero is trying to get Aava to come to Bhikke he's like "oh yeah there's a LOT of hooking up" in a tone that made me think he has totally hooked up with folks at BHIKKE, and maybe did so to work out his ~frustrations with Blue. So - how did it happen? Who did he hook up with, and how long did they listen to him complain about his boss before kicking him out of bed? Maybe it was either Sneak or Tubaik, themselves trying to distract from #feelings they can't control? I'm fine with anyone, including an OC (maybe a bounty of Zero's?), so long as there's plenty pining and displaced cyborg passion.

Zero’s in bed with  _ the _ Sneak, of Sneak and Tubaik, and he’s fit and attractive and doesn’t mind that Zero keeps the helmet and most of his clothes on, and he’s got a  _ wicked  _ smile and way with his hands. 

It’s so annoying how he can’t stop imagining someone who  _ isn’t _ particularly fit, or even-- technically objectively speaking--all that attractive, and would probably be a whiny bitch about not getting to see Zero’s face, and would probably have no idea what to do if put in the same situation. It’s so unfair how shit Zero’s taste in men is. 

“You enjoying yourself, T-- hon?” Sneak asks. The people he hooks up with often check in with him, finding his blank opaque visor hard to read, which is sweet of them and definitely shouldn’t make him wistfully think about how good Blue’s gotten at reading his absence of a face. 

“Yeah,” Zero grunts, and then he snaps his hips up into Sneak and closes his eyes, imagining brilliantly blue eyes and bright red hair, and honestly? He’s pathetic.

* * *

“Kriff, that was good,” Sneak groans at the end of it all. 

“Happy to be of service,” he says, and even means it. Hey, who doesn’t enjoy feedback like that? 

“Seemed like you were seriously… working something out.” Sneak’s sly smile tells Zero that this is a good thing, in this context. “End of a long dry spell?” 

“Well,” he says, falling into the companionable pillow/smalltalk. “To be honest, I don’t really do much hooking up outside of BHIKKE.” 

“Oh?” Sneak raises an eyebrow. 

“Not much opportunity, y’know? I’ve got this indefinite contract with this guy, had it for years. Basically, I’m bodyguarding him 24/7.” 

“Oh,” he repeats, this time in a more understanding tone. 

“He’s here even know, actually, in our hotel room. Which is why I said your place. And why I’m not gonna stay the night, no offense.” Zero realizes too late that he’s immediately started talking about Blue to his hookup straight after having sex with them  _ again. _ Well, he’s going to shut his mouth before his hookup gets so sick of hearing him complain about his boss/crush that they just kick him out of bed. This time. 

“None taken,” he assures him. “Too bad you got stuck with someone you’re not compatible with.” 

“... What do you mean?” he can’t resist asking, because he doesn’t think he’s said anything to that effect, and also he honestly thinks he is pretty compatible with Blue. Which really doesn’t help matters for him, actually. 

“You know,” Sneaks says. “Sexually.” 

Zero tenses up to avoid loudly choking on his own spit. 

“If I was stuck around the same guy constantly, then if we were even mildly mutually attracted to each other you can bet I’d be on that like a Bantha on-- something Banthas really like.” A brief wistful look flashes over Sneak’s face at that, but Zero’s fairly sure he imagined it when he blinks a moment later and it’s gone like it never happened. “So he must be really old or ugly or just uninterested in y--”

“Well, this has been nice! Better get going now,” Zero, who is seriously not enjoying being this easily read by a guy he’s only known for, like, an hour, loudly interrupts. 

“Oh, okay. See you next BHIKKE, maybe?” Sneak rakes his eyes over Zero’s body as he stands and zips himself up. 

Zero flashes him a winky face, glad for his artificial poker face. “For sure.” 

Odds were that he was still going to be sexually frustrated from being stuck around the same guy that he’s a little too compatible with constantly next BHIKKE as well, after all. 


End file.
